I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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