i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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