At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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