Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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