what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
That accounts for only three of the penises
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
