Do you still have your period?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
