Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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