She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
nutella sex= disaster
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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