Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Actions speak louder than pants.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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