go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I can't turn off my feet"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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