I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
