is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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