dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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