Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
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A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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