I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I could make wine with my vomit
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
