I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i drank out of a bidet.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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