When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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