Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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