Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
