he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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