are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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