Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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