Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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