We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
