What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
