And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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