I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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