The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
