My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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