I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
