3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
