he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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