Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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