I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
