Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
