Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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