When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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