she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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