Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
