Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
