dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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