Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
