Do you still have your period?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
