nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
