You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
