I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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