There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
