I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
