Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
