Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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