my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
