forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
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I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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