her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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