never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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