I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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