Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
