just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
